Saving
by Becca Lavender
Summary: With Serena missing, Dan reluctantly agrees to team up with Blair to find Serena and get some other answers along the way.
1. Chapter 1

_**Author's notes: This is my attempt at trying to formulate something salvageable from the finale. I have a pretty clear direction for this story, and plan on there being three chapters. I still can't believe how badly this show messed DB up. This story is helping me work through some of the anger, just like Dan. **_

If someone would have told her two years ago that waiting to see Dan Humphrey would be one of the most nerve-racking moments of her life, she would have scoffed at the mere idea that Humphrey could make her anxious. Yet here she was, standing at the baggage claim at La Guardia, both desperately wanting to talk to Dan yet being terrified about his reaction. However, desperate times call for desperate measures, so here she was. She hoped Dan would at least stick around long enough to pick up his bags, which would allow her time to say what she needed to say.

She spotted him first. He was dressed casually in jeans and a cotton t-shirt, a staple of his summer wardrobe. She absently wondered if the gray t-shirt he was wearing was the same one she had snuggled her heard into as he told her that if she lost everything, she'd still have him. She couldn't believe that had happened only a year ago, as so many things had changed since then, not the least of which was the nature of her relationship with Dan. His hair was shorter than it had been when she had last seen him, similar to how he had been wearing it a year ago. There was a loose curl bouncing around his forehead, and she wanted to approach him and affectionately push it back into place. However, she knew that such a gesture would not be welcome anymore. It was also not part of her mission.

She could tell the moment he saw her. His face had been almost a blank before, searching for the right carousel. She saw his face contort in surprise, then watched his eyes go cold and his whole body grow stiff as though he was steeling himself for a confrontation. She wasn't sure she had ever seen him look so cold before. He approached the carousel, purposely making her have to come to him. He wasn't going to make this easy for her.

"Flying into La Guardia? I heard our ban from JFK has been lifted," she said in as close to a normal tone as she could muster.

"It's closer to my home," he said curtly. "The tickets were always for La Guardia."

Blair just stared at him, a flood of memories overwhelming her. She remembered his earnest face as he asked her to come with him to Rome, and their all too brief time when they were both on the same page, excited about their summer together. She also remembered how the Rome trip was the beginning of the end for them. Blair tried not to think about the irony of how the Rome trip turned out to be a moot point anyhow, as Blair would have spent the summer planning for the Waldorf Designs succession regardless.

"What are you doing here, Blair?" he asked, interrupting her thoughts. "If you wanted to break up with me in person, there's no need. I got the message two months ago."

"That's not why I'm here," she said thickly, not sure why she suddenly was so tongue tied. Even when they used to hate each other, she never had trouble talking to Dan. Of course, it's a lot harder when the hate is one-sided.

"My bag just hit the carousel. You have until I pick it up and get in a taxi to tell me whatever it is you came to tell me."

He reached forward and picked up his bag, then extended the handle so he could roll it and started to walk towards the ground transportation signs.

"Wait!" she said quickly. "I'll give you a ride in my towncar."

"A taxi is fine," he said over his shoulder, not pausing. She scrambled to catch up with him, and moved to stand in front of him.

"Just wait," she pleaded, looking him in the eyes.

"Blair," he sighed, his shoulders slumping in defeat, "please just tell me whatever it is so I can get home and sleep. It's been an exhausting summer and a long flight."

"It's Serena," she blurted out finally. "She's in trouble."

She expected him to soften, but instead she saw him tense up even more.

"I'm out of the white knight business."

He didn't make a move to leave, but instead stood there and looked Blair straight in the eyes. Blair met his gaze, searching for some sign of the boy who had become her best friend. His earnestness seemed to have been replaced with bitterness and anger.

"I know Serena uploaded those diary pages and sent Penelope to delay me from the divorce party, and I was mad at her too. But I know you'd never forgive yourself if something happened to her and you didn't do everything you could to stop it," Blair told him breathlessly, unthinkingly reaching out to grab his hand. He snatched his hand back as though it burned.

"I guess it doesn't really matter now what Serena did. There was no relationship for her to try and destroy anyhow," he said coldly.

"Dan..." Blair tried to protest.

"Don't," Dan ordered, holding his hand up to stop her from saying more. "Spare me the patronizing speech about how much I meant to you."

"I wouldn't dream of it," she snapped, her own patience wearing thin. "Do you really not care if Serena dies in a ditch somewhere? Is this really who you've become?"

"Stop being so fucking dramatic," Dan snapped back. "I'm sure she just fell off the grid in Ibiza or something."

"No one has heard from her for a month," Blair said, managing to regroup. "Not even Eric."

"When's the last time you spoke to her?" Dan asked, his eyebrows giving away his growing concern.

Blair looked down, embarrassed. "Since the day of the divorce party when I kicked her out of the penthouse. You?"

"About a week after that," Dan admitted. "Our last conversation didn't go much better."

"What happened?" Blair asked uncertainly, not sure she wanted to know.

"Serena helped set up the perfect scenario where I would cheat on you, and she caught it on camera," Dan said bluntly. "Needless to say, I wasn't pleased. I saw her texts to Penelope to try and stall you, and for a moment I thought I'd ruined everything by giving up on us too soon. But, then I saw the Gossip Girl blast that said you went to the Empire without bothering to talk to me first, and I took a lot of that anger out on Serena both then and a week later. I told her I never wanted to see her again."

Blair felt her eyes well up in tears, as Dan's words shocked her to her core. "You cheated on me with Serena?"

"I would ask you precisely what you were doing with Chuck at that moment, but frankly I don't care anymore. I know now that I'm just a pawn to you and Serena, so you can go ahead and spare me your moment of righteous indignation masquerading as hurt," he spit out, now beginning to stalk towards the exit. She picked up her pace, staying with him stride for stride.

"You know that's not true," Blair protested, feeling a stabbing sensation in her chest. She of course had known she had hurt him deeply, but she didn't expect him to dismiss their entire relationship like this. She also didn't expect him to deal his own blow. "If you really feel that way about both me and Serena, why aren't you in a cab to Brooklyn?"

Dan stopped then, just short of the door, his face unreadable. "I guess for the same reasons I couldn't let Chuck slowly kill himself last year when no one else seemed to give a fuck," he said, looking almost embarrassed by the admittance. "I can't just stand by and not help someone, even if it's someone I don't particularly like in that moment."

"So you're in?" Blair asked hopefully, not realizing until now just how badly she wanted him to say yes.

"Yeah, I'm in. Can we at least go to the loft first so I can take a shower and change?"

"I'm sure you still have some things at my place," Blair said without thinking.

"I'd rather go to the loft, if that's okay. I can take a cab and meet you somewhere if you don't want to go to Brooklyn," he said briskly.

"No, of course we can go to the loft," she said, trying to hide her own reticence at going to the loft.

"Actually, I need to make a few calls. I'll meet you at your place," Dan said.

"Really, it's fine."

"It's really not a good idea for us to go to the loft right now. My dad's there," he reminded her.

"Oh," Blair said, knowing that she was just about the last person Rufus Humphrey would want to see.

"Chuck's not..." Dan started, unable to finish the sentence.

"No, he's off somewhere with Jack," Blair said, trying to sound reassuring.

"Of course he is," Dan scoffed. "And to think he and Serena are the ones who are siblings now, and Chuck is the one you're in love with, yet here we are."

Blair decided to let that one go, mainly because she was unable to come up with a good response. If she were being completely honest with him, it hadn't even occurred to her to try and bring Chuck into this. Saving Serena was something she did with Dan, and this time it was because they helped break her in the first place.

"Okay, I'll see you in a few hours," Blair said.

"Hopefully I'll have a few ideas for you," Dan said in a neutral tone before the set of his jaw changed, showing that his anger remained. "And just to make something clear: I'm just doing this to make sure Serena is okay. You and I are no longer friends. We're no longer anything after this is over."

"Okay," Blair said, knowing there was no point in protesting. _But for now, we're still a team, _she thought to herself sadly as she watched him get into a cab.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Author's notes: So, as I am wont to do, I lied about the number of chapters. It's looking like four chapters now. Thanks for all the reviews and feedback. It's always much appreciated. It's nice to vent frustrations from the finale and try to make some sense of things, even when there's really no way to make sense of any of it. **_

When Blair returned to the penthouse, she stalked past the prying eyes of Dorota without a word. She had told Dorota where she was going, and she knew that Dorota would want a full report on how Dan was doing. Dorota would find out soon enough, whenever Dan was done doing whatever he was doing at the loft.

Blair laid at her bed and contemplated her phone. It was about the time of day she usually called to check on Chuck, trying to demonstrate to him that she was still there for him, even if he didn't want her to be there. After telling him she was all in at the casino, Chuck had just smirked and told her that he knew why she was really there. When he wouldn't clarify what he had meant, she quietly left, feeling determined to show him she meant what she said. And she did mean it; if she couldn't love Dan as completely as he deserved, she could at least try and pass onto Chuck some of the strength that Dan had given her. She had known as soon as she heard Bart dismiss Chuck from the company that she could never go back to Dan. Even if she went to the divorce party and told Dan that she felt herself falling for him more and more every day, she knew she couldn't leave for Rome with Chuck at such a low point. It just went against her every instinct. No matter how good her relationship with Dan was, she still loved Chuck and would always want to be there for him.

There were many times during the summer that she wished her instincts led her to self-preservation instead of self-destruction. Now she wondered if her masochistic tendencies were what made her seek out Dan, knowing that he was likely going to be angry and hurt. If that was the case, her masochistic side had certainly been well-rewarded. Blair tried to hard to keep the images of Dan and Serena having sex out of her head, knowing that if she and Dan succeeded in finding Serena that she was likely going to see them together. Having those images in her head would only make it worse.

Blair hadn't even realized she'd drifted off until her phone's vibrations jarred her awake. She looked down and saw a text message from Dan which contained just about the last words she expected to come from Dan.

_Meet me in the lobby of Lily's building in an hour. I'll explain when I see you. _

When Blair got into her towncar, she realized she had never called Chuck. She picked up her phone and stared at it for a moment, then set it on the seat beside her. After her unpleasant reunion with Dan, she wasn't sure she could take Chuck's casual indifference. While there was a growing part of her that wanted to give up on Chuck once and for all, she had put in too much work to back down now.

Dan was waiting for her in the lobby, fidgeting nervously. She couldn't help but smile to herself, remembering the last time he had been waiting for her in this lobby. He had been fidgeting nervously back then as well.

"So, what am I doing here?" Blair asked by way of greeting. This building held so many memories for her, not to mention the presence of Bart Bass, whose resurrection had prompted so much of her life's current upheaval.

"My sources tell me Serena may be in Montecito," Dan said in an unreadable voice.

"Your sources? Who would that be, Nate?" she asked, raising an eyebrow skeptically.

"Actually, Georgina," Dan said. "She was a big help to me as I was researching my book this summer."

"What does she know about monarchies?" Blair asked, confused and more than a little anxious about this turn of events.

"Depends on the monarchy," Dan responded cryptically. Blair decided she didn't particularly want to know more right now, and decided to forge ahead with the task at hand. The less she knew about Dan's literary alliance with Georgina Sparks, the better.

"Fine, so how does she know about Serena?" Blair asked, legitimately curious.

"She apparently knows Damien Dalgaard pretty well," Dan said, his tone becoming more worried. "I guess Serena has been getting drugs through Damien since May."

"And why does Damien think she's in Montecito?"

"He just knows that a few weeks ago she was trying to see if Damien had a connection in California," Dan explained. "My dad told me awhile back that Lily had given Serena the Montecito house as part of her inheritance from CeCe."

"And that was the last place where Serena felt happy," Blair finished.

"Yeah," Dan agreed, looking away from her. "She really loved working at the movie studio until the _Inside _debacle greeted her when she came back to New York."

_And she had another chance to get her foot in the door before I helped take it away, _Blair thought to herself.

"So why are we here? Why don't we just get on a plane to L.A.?" Blair asked, not sure why they would subject themselves to the awkwardness of Bart and Lily.

"Because if Serena has been to Montecito and left, we will want clues. We'll need a key to figure things out, not to mention the probability that Serena very well may not open the door for us or even let on that she's there," Dan reminded her. "You're apparently getting rusty in your scheming if you don't get where we're going with this."

Embarrassingly, Blair felt her eyes well up with tears at Dan's attempt at lightening the mood. "I guess I am," she replied weakly as she wiped a stray tear away and composed herself.

"You can't think that way," Dan said compassionately. "She's going to physically able to open the door when we get there."

"I know," Blair said, looking at the ground. She had been too wrapped up in herself and Dan to really consider what it meant that Serena had been scoring drugs from Damien all summer.

"So, you ready to head up?" Dan asked, his shoulders stiffening.

"Do you want me to go up alone?" she offered. She figured it was the least she could do.

He shook his head, looking resolved. "No, I think I need to go. I think I owe it to my dad to provide her with at least a little awkwardness."

"Okay," she said, and they walked towards the elevator, nodding at Vanya.

"Ms. Waldorf, Mr. Humphrey...Wait," Vanya said, stepping in front of them. "I need to call up before either of you can go up."

"Seriously?" Blair asked, surprised. "Come on, Vanya. You know Dorota will give you hell for this."

"It's his job, Blair," Dan reminded her.

"Thanks, Humphrey. And here I thought he just wore the uniform as a fashion statement," she snapped, getting tired of getting rejected by everyone at every turn.

"It seemed you thought he was here to service you, just like the rest of the world," Dan volleyed back.

"Mrs. Bass said you can go up now," Vanya cut in politely, effectively silencing them. She noticed Dan's jaw tense at the words "Mrs. Bass."

"Thank you, Vanya," Blair said, taking special care to be polite. "We appreciate your help."

Vanya nodded silently in response, and Dan rolled his eyes. Blair began walking towards the elevator, with Dan closely behind.

When they entered the elevator, they stood at opposite ends, each of them careful to look straight ahead. Neither of them spoke for several long moments, until Dan finally broke the silence. "And to think I was trying to avoid being with you at the loft and the penthouse because I wanted to avoid being with you in places that reminded me of our relationship," he said wryly.

She couldn't help but smile weakly in return, shaking her head at him. She wasn't sure he even saw her smile, as she didn't dare look his way, lest she catch his eye and remember better times in that elevator.

"Sorry, I thought it might help to address the elephant in the elevator," Dan said sheepishly.

"You know, you really were the one who talked too much," she told him, smiling a little wider and looking at him out of the corner of her eye. Where it appeared he had been softening, he suddenly looked like he had been struck.

"Maybe someday I'll learn that some things are best left unsaid," Dan said, the earlier bitterness and anger being replaced by sadness and resignation. As much as the anger was wearing on her, the sadness made her chest ache, wanting to somehow make it better but knowing it was too late. The elevator doors opened before she had a chance to respond, and Dan stalked resolutely toward the van der Bass living room without even looking back at her.

"It's good to see you, Daniel," Lily said, the coldness in her eyes saying something else entirely. "You too, Blair."

Lily looked at them questioningly, undoubtedly confused by them showing up together. Blair knew that Lily had to be aware of the current state of affairs between Dan, Chuck and Blair.

"It's been too long," Blair said politely, years of decorum kicking in.

"How's your father, Daniel?" Lily asked, a glint in her eye. Blair saw Dan bristle and clench his fists. She wanted to reach out and squeeze his arm, but she knew the gesture would be unwelcome.

"We're here about Serena," Dan said evenly.

"If she's trying to get me to unfreeze her trust fund through you two, tell her she needs to come speak to me in person about the large sums of cash she's been withdrawing," Lily said dismissively.

Blair gaped at Lily, once again being taken aback by the woman's coldness in contrast to her daughter's warmth.

"When did you do that?" Blair asked, growing increasingly worried. If Serena didn't have funds, Blair wasn't sure what would happen to her.

"About a month ago," Lily said. "It's time she learned to grow up. I'm glad I reserved the power to revoke her access until she turns 25."

"Have you heard from her?" Blair asked, looking at Dan out of the corner of her eye. He continued to just stare at Lily, his fists still tightly clenched.

"Blair, you know this isn't the first time Serena has acted out," Lily said with an exaggerated sigh. "I know _you_ understand that sometimes Serena needs tough love."

"And you're not even a tiny bit worried?" Dan gritted out.

"Daniel, _you _should know that Serena always finds a safe harbor somehow, even if she tends to get bored with them quickly."

"I wonder where she got that from," Dan said sarcastically.

"Lily, we're here because we are both worried about Serena," Blair cut in. "We think she might be at the Montecito house and we were hoping you would be willing to give us access so we can look for her."

"If you two want to go gallivanting off after Serena, I won't stop you," Lily told them. "I'm sure she's just trying to get attention from her father now that he has another daughter. Just be careful, Blair. It would be a shame if Charles somehow got the wrong idea about you two."

"Do you have the key here?" Dan asked impatiently.

"Yes, I need to run upstairs to get it. Please, make yourselves at home," she said, gesturing to the living room. "Lord knows your father never did."

With that, Lily walked towards the staircase. She watched Dan stiffly walk to the couch and sit down tiredly. Not sure what to say, Blair excused herself to the restroom.

Once inside, Blair leaned her head against the bathroom door, feeling the urge to beat her head against it repeatedly. She wondered if she would ever be able to have a normal conversation with anyone ever again.

Through the door, she could faintly hear a male voice which was not Dan's. She opened the door a crack, hoping to hear better, curious as to what was going on with Bart and wondering if maybe she could get some information to help her get through to Chuck.

"Son, I think you may have a problem," she heard him say. Blair's forehead wrinkled in confusion, as she didn't think Bart and Chuck were in contact.

"Blair is here with Daniel Humphrey," Bart continued. "Apparently they're here about Serena, but they definitely arrived together. I told you that you might be overplaying your hand on this one."

Blair's jaw dropped in shock, trying to piece together exactly what all this meant. Chuck must have said something in return, as Bart paused briefly before continuing.

"You have two weeks before we have the press conference announcing our reconciliation, and Jack's permanent removal from Bass Industries. See to it that our grand gesture wasn't wasted. At least I already got what I wanted from it with Lily doing everything in her power to convince me to bring you back in the fold," Bart said tersely before hanging up.

Blair put her hand to her mouth, not wanting to believe what she had heard. Chuck had managed to manipulate her yet again. She was angry at herself for being surprised; she should have known Chuck would never give up the game. Clearly, he had learned from the master.

Once she was sure that Bart was gone, Blair exited the restroom and went back to the living room to find Dan still on the sofa, clutching a framed photograph.

"I have the keys," Dan said distantly.

"Okay," she said, feeling numb. "Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah," Dan said, standing up and walking towards the elevator, still holding the photograph. She decided not to ask him about it, figuring if he felt the need to steal a photo from Lily then she'd let him.

In the elevator, Dan again stared at the photo, shaking his head. He laughed mirthlessly, then suddenly reached out and pushed the stop button. She was pretty sure he wasn't trying to come on to her this time, so she was silent and waited for him to speak. She was afraid if she spoke that she would pour out everything she had just heard, and she had a feeling Dan wouldn't want to hear about how she had been controlled by Chuck yet again.

"Lily gave me this," Dan said, holding up the photo for her to see. It was the family photo that was taken after the failed photo shoot attempt. "She told me that maybe my dad would want it, since it was a _lovely _picture of me. She said it was hardly a family, so she had no use for it anymore, and that she couldn't believe that they took it without _Charles_ there."

"Dan..."Blair started, the tears coming back.

"She annulled the marriage, then sent my dad a box of his few remaining things. Basically, it's like their marriage and twenty years of loving each other never happened," he continued as though Blair hadn't tried to speak.

"I'm sorry," Blair finally said, not sure exactly what she was apologizing for, but meaning the words sincerely regardless.

"When I think back to the last time we were here in this elevator, I remember you giggling as I pushed you against the wall," he said absently, almost as though he was talking to himself. "I remember so many times where you seemed happy to be with me. I knew my feelings ran deeper than yours, but I honestly thought I was making you happy. I just need to know one thing...was I imagining it? Or were you just faking it because you didn't want to hurt me?"

Blair swallowed back a sob, knowing she needed to answer him honestly. He deserved that much.

"You did make me happy," Blair told him, this time moving closer and reaching for his hand. She was surprised when he didn't snatch it away. "I felt safe and powerful...and just happy because I was with my best friend who I also enjoyed having sex with. None of that was a lie, or your imagination."

"Okay," he said, drawing his hand back and pressing the elevator button. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," she said quietly.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Author's notes: Thanks for all the reviews. I'm glad people are enjoying this. It's helped get me over this godforsaken show to be able to write this. I'm unsure of whether there will be one or two more chapters-we'll see what happens once the writing starts. Hopefully finishing this will allow me to finally finish In Contention, as it's been hard to write S4 AU after the debacle of that finale. **_

Blair was pleasantly surprised when Dan put up limited resistance to her arranging their travel plans. When he arrived at the airport, he simply grabbed the ticket from her with a raised eyebrow and said, "JFK, huh?"

She had shrugged innocently in return, as though she wasn't trying to soften him up by reminding him of their shared memories. She also knew that he was onto her, and was unlikely to budge. However, what had been relief in his acquiescence quickly turned to sadness, as he didn't even make a token attempt to try and barter down from his first class ticket or roll his eyes when she told him she had hired a car service to pick them up at LAX and take them to Montecito. Instead, he just nodded complacently, letting her control everything.

When they got on the plane, he began to fidget anxiously. At first, she thought it was because of her closeness. Then when they pulled away from the gate, she realized something else was going on: Dan was a nervous flyer.

"You can relax, Humphrey. It's more likely you'd be killed on the street in Williamsburg than by this plane going down," she told him, making a weak attempt at getting him to argue with her as a distraction from his nervousness.

"The fear of the unknown is always worse," he said, staring out the window. "I'm not a nervous flyer, per se. Just an inexperienced one."

"Just how inexperienced?" she asked, genuinely curious. Thinking back on it, the furthest away from home she remembered Dan mentioning going was a trip to see family in Florida when he was a kid. Otherwise, he had barely left the state as far as she knew.

"Let's just say I lost my aviation virginity on the trip to Rome," he said wryly, still not looking at her.

She tried not to register her shock, but she had a feeling Dan knew how foreign his lack of travel was to her. This was probably part of why he was studiously avoiding her gaze, outside of the multitude of other reasons he continued to avoid eye contact with her as much as possible.

"How did you relax on the trip to Rome?" she asked, trying to change the subject to more neutral ground.

"I'm pretty sure Georgina slipped something in my drink," he chuckled darkly. She was pretty sure he wasn't kidding.

"You took Georgina to Rome?" she asked, feeling inexplicably hurt, as though she hadn't been the one to blow the opportunity to go with him.

"I told you she helped with the book," he said, shrugging.

"Oh," she said simply, not sure what else to say as he didn't appear to want to elaborate.

At that moment, the flight attendant announced that they could resume using their electronic items. Without a word, Dan took out his iPod and put on his headphones, effectively ending their conversation. It wasn't long before Dan drifted off, as he likely hadn't slept much in the past few days, not to mention the toll his return had already taken on him. She took the opportunity to look at him, trying to memorize his face in repose. She wasn't sure when, if ever, she would have this opportunity again.

She had always liked to watch him sleep. For someone who was seemed to be constantly talking or fidgeting while awake, Dan always slept peacefully. It was when he was sleeping that she would allow herself to the indulgence of just letting herself feel, the feelings of pure affection sweeping over her as she watched him slumber. It wasn't ever an all-consuming passion like she felt with Chuck, but instead a growing emotion that she kept finding it harder and harder to control when he was awake. She felt herself smiling whenever he was around, sometimes even grinning like a schoolgirl just because of how he made her feel. It made her feel strong and powerful instead of weak, because even the slightest of grins from her was enough to light his face up in return. When he was asleep, she could let her guard down completely and let all that she felt for him bubble to the surface. During the light of day, she had to contain it in grins and affectionate kisses, not wanting whatever it was that was building to overtake her and make her lose herself like she always did. She hadn't been lying when she told Dan that he had made her happy. The problem was, Blair never quite was able to wrap her head around what it all meant in the big picture.

Now, instead of the memories, Blair let herself indulge in what would have happened had everything not fallen apart so spectacularly. She should have been on that flight to Rome, lightly teasing him about being nervous. He would have responded by making some joke about Humphrey road trips, and lamenting how it was nearly impossible to drive to Italy. They would have distracted him from his anxiousness by bantering back and forth, and she would have curled into his side and held his hand the whole time to reassure him that everything was going to be fine. Eventually, she would have drifted off to sleep against his shoulder, happy to have shared such a momentous occasion in his life.

Of course, that's not what happened in reality. Instead, Dan had spent his plane flight next to Georgina Sparks, knocked out from whatever drug she had slipped him. Deciding that dwelling on the past wasn't getting her anywhere, Blair closed her eyes and leaned her head back, trying to imagine what would happen when they found Serena. She didn't want to even contemplate the possibility that their mission would be a failure.

Blair must have drifted off herself at some point, as she was jarred awake by the flight attendant telling her to move her seat upright. Embarrassingly, Blair had fallen asleep on Dan's shoulder, just like she had done numerous times in the past. Dan was awake when she looked at him from the corner of her eye, but his face was impassive. He made no mention of her sleeping on him.

Dan was mostly quiet the entire trip to Montecito, only answering direct questions and making no effort to engage in conversation with her. He was polite enough, not even looking impatient when they had to wait for her checked bag at the baggage carousel, his own small tote slung over his shoulder. He carried her bags to the car for her, which she figured was a conditioned response more than anything.

A few minutes before they arrived at the house, Blair finally spoke, breaking over and hour of polite silence. "Do you think she's really there?" Blair asked, the worry and guilt setting in.

"I don't know," Dan said, shrugging. "It seems too easy, almost. But, if nothing else, it's likely a starting point. I doubt she's working very hard to cover her tracks, and I bet she's at least been to Montecito if she was in California like Damien said."

"Yeah," Blair agreed half-heartedly. She hoped this wasn't the time that Serena couldn't be brought back, and that the last words she heard from her two closest friends were words spewed out in anger.

"You're Blair Waldorf; you can will Serena to be fine and I'm sure it will happen," Dan said, the ghost of a smile passing across his face.

Blair wanted to laugh, considering how powerless she'd been feeling for a long time.

They passed the rest of the ride in a slightly more comfortable silence, and then started at each other nervously when they arrived. The driver brought their bags to the door, and Dan tipped him as Blair just stood and stared at the house anxiously.

"So, this is it, I guess. The moment of truth," Dan said, fishing in his pocket for the key. Before using it, he knocked and waited for an answer. He paused for a beat, then knocked louder, calling Serena's name.

It was only noon, with them taking the first flight they could get on that day. Dan used his key to open the door, looking nervous about what he may find. He hauled their bags inside, and Blair followed behind him tentatively.

"Serena?" Blair called out, knowing it was fruitless.

"I'm pretty sure she's not here," Dan said. She saw him take in his surroundings, including several dishes left out in the living. "At least not right now."

Wordlessly, they walked around the house, trying to find signs of Serena. The kitchen had clearly been used, with stacks of dishes sitting in the sink and a hodgepodge of food inside the refrigerator. Upstairs, they figured out what room Serena was likely staying in, as clothes were strewn everywhere. The house was pristine in parts, and others looked like a tornado had struck.

"This place is a disaster," Blair said, feeling her worry grow. "She must be doing really badly to live like this."

"Or this is how Serena lives without a housekeeper," Dan pointed out.

When they walked back to the kitchen to figure out their own lunch situation, Blair gasped out loud when she saw the recycling bin. "Dan, I think there's 20 bottles of gin in there," Blair said, beginning to panic. Serena did not historically make good decisions when she was under the influence of alcohol, not to mention whatever drugs she might be using.

"There are a lot of bottles there," Dan agreed, his brow beginning to furrow.

They didn't have the opportunity to discuss it further because they heard a key turn in the lock.

"Hello?" Blair heard Serena call out. "Is that you, Eric?"

"No, it's Blair," Blair said, stepping out of the kitchen towards the entrance, Dan right behind her. "And Dan."

"What the hell are you two doing here?" Serena asked, looking perturbed. She seemed lucid and steady on her feet, but Blair didn't trust it.

"Where the hell have you been? Nobody's heard from you in a month," Blair shot back, irritated by Serena's attitude. Blair had felt bad about her own role in Serena's potential downfall, but seeing Serena now, seemingly fine, brought up the old issues from before the summer.

"I didn't think anyone wanted to hear from me," Serena said sullenly.

"C'mon Serena, you know we had every right to be angry with you before," Dan said tersely. "But we're here now because no matter what, we're here if you're in trouble."

"What happens if I'm not in trouble? I'm cast aside again?" Serena scoffed.

"Serena, you know you're my best friend..." Blair started, but was cut off by Serena's angry laugh.

"Blair, you and I both know that hasn't really been true for a long time," Serena said bluntly. "I've read your entire diary. I know Dan usurped me at some point. Of course, not that the best friend title meant much anyhow. How is Chuck, anyhow? You engaged yet?"

Blair watched Dan bristle at the mention of Chuck's name.

"Well, you saw to to it that I could never be with Dan," Blair shot back.

"Like you even wanted Dan," Serena said, rolling her eyes.

"Dan would like it if people didn't argue about him like he wasn't here," Dan interjected before Blair could respond.

Blair watched as Serena took a breath to compose herself. "I'm sorry, I've had a lot of time to stew over some things," Serena told them. "I'm tired of having this same fight with you, B."

Blair knew that Serena wasn't talking about Dan anymore; the fight they were having was one they had been having long before either of them even knew who Dan Humphrey was.

"For that matter," Serena continued, looking at Dan, "I'm tired of letting how you see me dictate how I see myself."

"Serena," Dan started compassionately, but Serena held up a hand to cut him off.

"Let's sit down in the living room," Serena said evenly. "I want to tell you both some things, and I don't want to fight anymore."

Blair wasn't sure she had ever seen Serena quite like this. She was more assertive than she'd ever seen her. Blair didn't see any signs of her being drunk or high, and she began to wonder if maybe they had it all wrong.

"What do you want to say, S?" Blair asked after they all sat down, Dan and Blair sitting two feet apart on the couch and Serena sitting in an armchair across from them.

"First, now that we're all a little calmer, can you tell me why you two are here?" Serena asked, looking legitimately curious.

"We were worried about you, S," Blair said, hoping her concern was coming through in her voice.

Much to her surprise, Serena laughed. It was a real laugh, though Blair didn't know what was so funny.

"How did I not see it before?" Serena asked herself, shaking her head.

"Get what?" Dan asked, also looking confused.

"You two," Serena said, gesturing between the two of them. "I could never wrap my head around how your relationship worked. I thought you had nothing in common besides me. As it turns out, I had it all wrong."

"I told you before, S. We both love art and literature and..." Blair started, but Serena cut her off by letting out another short laugh.

"No, that's not what I meant," Serena said. "You two are so alike."

"I wouldn't go that far..." Dan tried to interject, but Serena wasn't done.

"No, Dan. You really are," Serena said. "You both fight the same way. You say the most horrible, cutting things when you're mad. Each of you really hurt me, and it wasn't the first time. But yet, here you both are, even though Blair told me that the best time of her life was when I left town six years ago and Dan said that he never wanted to see me again. So, what am I to believe? Your actions or your words?"

Blair looked at Dan out of the corner of her eye, and then looked down at her hands again after she caught his eye.

"We were worried. None of the rest of it mattered," Blair said sincerely.

"I know," Serena said. "And I appreciate it. I just wish that you had cared before, back when you both saw me all the time. Did either of you even notice that I spent all my time on my laptop? Did either of you bother to talk to me after I found out Lola was my sister? _Dorota_ noticed something was wrong, but my two closest friends didn't. Of course, from the moment you two kissed Dan couldn't scurry out of the room fast enough when I was there."

"And is that why you felt the need to upload my diary? A cry for help?" Blair asked, feeling mildly irritated that Serena had somehow put all the blame back on her.

Serena sighed, looking frustrated. "Blair, I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry for everything I did to you and Dan. But I'm not trying to get into some competition as to who hurt the other worse. I just wanted to let you know how I felt."

"I saw Vanessa this summer," Dan said suddenly, and Blair and Serena both turned to look at him in shock. "After...everything...I realized that I needed to remember who I was. She made me see how I dismiss people easily, even those I care about...I'm rambling a bit, but I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry too, Serena."

Blair remained silent, unnerved by the conversation.

"Thank you," Serena said simply. "I'm glad you're here so we could talk. I'm sorry to disappoint you both though, as I saved myself before you got here."

Serena didn't bother to mention their need to save people as something else they had in common, but Blair knew the message was being sent.

"So you're okay?" Blair asked skeptically. "We know you were getting drugs and we saw all the empty gin bottles."

"I wasn't okay," Serena admitted. "I was drunk and high all the time for about a month, and found myself in California. It started the same here, then I started to notice all the gin bottles hidden everywhere. Then I looked around this empty house and saw how empty my grandma's life was at the end, and how my mom's life is turning out the same...I started emptying all the gin bottles into the sink, one by one. Then I withdrew a lot of money from my checking account and checked into rehab. I just got back last week, and I see everything so differently."

Blair took a moment to take it all in, seeing the changes in Serena. Blair envied her more in that moment than she ever had over anything, wishing she were so in control of her life.

"I'm really proud of you, for what it's worth," Dan said sincerely, breaking the silence.

"Thank you," Serena said, looking him in the eye. "It does mean something, but it doesn't mean as much as it used to. I think that's a good thing."

Dan didn't say anything, but just nodded his head contemplatively.

"Are you going to come back with us? Your room is still unchanged," Blair offered, hoping to get some normalcy back.

"I'm staying here, at least for awhile," Serena said. "I actually met someone in rehab who got me a job as a production assistant. It feels good to be working again."

Blair almost laughed. _Of course _Serena was able to get her dream job back by going to rehab.

"I miss you," Blair said sadly, though it honestly wasn't even all that true. She'd been too consumed with trying to please her mother and Chuck that she didn't really have time to think about Serena. Serena shot her a knowing look, and Blair knew she saw right through the lie.

"I think I need to be away from New York for awhile. I probably shouldn't have come back last year," Serena said wistfully.

"I guess our work here is done," Dan said ruefully.

"I'm glad we got a chance to clear the air, but I do think the best thing for me is to stay away from the both of you for awhile," Serena said without any malice.

Dan stood up, and Blair followed suit, in a daze. "I guess we'll call for a car," Dan said, reaching for his phone and exiting the room.

"B, are you okay?" Serena asked, looking concerned.

"Why wouldn't I be okay? You don't want to be around me, Chuck will barely acknowledge my declarations of love, and Dan can barely look me in the eye. Everything's perfect," Blair said, venting her frustrations.

"What did you think would happen?" Serena asked.

"I thought you and I would go back to normal like we always do," Blair admitted. "I thought Chuck would finally stop playing the game and we could finally try and get some reward for all the pain we've put each other through. And I thought...I thought Dan would still be there."

"Blair..." Serena admonished her, shaking her head a little. "Why is Dan even here?"

Blair stared at Serena, silently cursing her for her ability to cut to the truth behind Blair's actions so easily.

"I miss him," she admitted. "I knew he couldn't refuse an opportunity to play white knight."

Blair didn't need Serena to tell her that she was doing the same thing to Dan that Chuck always did to her. She just wasn't ready to let him go yet, so she didn't know how to stop herself.

"Take care of yourself, B," Serena said, sighing.

At that moment, Dan entered and told them a car was on the way. Serena took them into the kitchen and made them sandwiches, the three of them eating in a silence that wasn't comfortable, but wasn't awkward either. Blair could tell that all of them were lost in thought, and she wondered if Dan and Serena were also wondering when the next time the three of them would be in the same room again.

The car arrived all too soon, and Dan helped the driver with the luggage then got in the car ahead of her. Blair started walking towards the car when she heard Serena call out to her.

"Blair, wait," Serena said breathlessly. "I have to tell you something."

"What?" Blair asked, hoping Serena was changing her mind about wanting to put distance between them.

"I sent the video of Dan and me to Chuck that night, basically to cover my bases in case you went back to Dan," Serena told her, not meeting her eyes. "I told Dan I deleted it, which I did, but not before I did sent it to Chuck."

"Did Chuck know you were trying to keep me from meeting Dan?" Blair asked, still unsure of exactly what Bart was talking about in the conversation she overheard.

"No," Serena said, "That part was all me. But Chuck knows about Dan and me...I just thought you should know so you won't get blindsided."

"How did you know that I knew about you and Dan?" Blair asked, puzzled.

"Because I know Dan," Serena said simply. "He's not very good at holding back confessions."

Blair almost laughed, because Dan strangely was skilled at holding back from her. First it had been his feelings, then the video, and it finally culminated with him turning down his trip to Italy then lying about it. She wasn't sure what to make of that.

"Thanks for letting me know," Blair said, contemplating giving Serena a hug but settling for a sad wave instead before walking to the car.

"You ready?" Dan asked her as she got in the car.

"Yeah," she sighed, leaning her head back.

They didn't speak for nearly twenty minutes, and Blair was startled out of her reverie when Dan finally broke the silence.

"I'm not going back to New York yet," he said, his voice neutral. "I think I'm going to rent a car and just do some driving. I need to finish my book, and I think I just need to clear my head."

Blair decided not to point out that he had just gotten back from a writer's retreat. She supposed it only took three days back with her and Serena for him to need to hide away from the world again.

"You going to give Georgina a call?" she asked instead, wishing he would just tell her more about this book.

"I got what I needed from Georgina," he told her cryptically.

Blair held back a sigh, not sure why she was so reticent to confront him on the issue.

"So, I guess this is it," Blair said sadly.

"I suppose so," Dan answered, staring out the window.

She had hoped he would contradict her, or say something more. Instead, he continued to gaze at the landscape in silence until they reached the airport. Once again, Dan assisted the driver with the luggage then left a tip.

"Have a safe trip, Blair," Dan said as he left her bag at her feet. "Goodbye."

With that, Dan turned and started to walk away. He walked several steps before the finality of his words struck her.

"Wait!" she yelled after him, running several steps and abandoning her bags.

"What?" Dan asked, looking like he hated himself for stopping.

"It wasn't you, it was me," Blair said in a rush, cringing at the cliché. He raised an eyebrow at her to continue. "You were...perfect. But not even in a so perfect it was boring sort of way either, as you always challenged me even as you supported me. I know what it's like to feel like you've given everything...and then end up with nothing in return. And I'm so sorry for that. Just know it wasn't about you, or anything you could have done."

Dan looked at her sadly, blinking a few times. "Blair, I never doubted that our breakup had very little to do with me. Sometimes I wonder how much our relationship even had to do with me," he said crisply, the hurt creeping back into his voice. "Either way, I guess I wasn't enough. But it's good to get confirmation that I couldn't have done anything about it."

Dan started to walk away again, and this time Blair didn't try to stop him. She knew from experience that there were no words she could say that would make it better now.

Blair managed to sleep most of the way home on the plane, exhausted from the emotions of the day. When she got into her car, she noticed that there had been a Gossip Girl blast which had spotted her and Dan at the airport the morning before. She sighed, knowing Chuck had likely seen it, which would have added fuel to the fire from his previous conversation with Bart. She wasn't in the mood to speak with him about any of it yet, feeling too raw from her confrontations with Serena.

Having taken the redeye home, dawn was breaking as she rode home. Once they were close by her home, she requested that the driver let her off, and instructed him to take her luggage to her penthouse. Blair got out of the car, feeling the need to walk.

She walked blindly for a half hour, then looked up and noticed that she was standing in front of the Met. Suddenly it hit her: she was back in New York with no Serena or Dan. She tiredly walked to the steps and sat down, flooded with memories of eating yogurt on those steps, Serena by her side. She clutched her knees towards her chest as she imagined Dan standing there with his phone, grinning at her lovingly as he took her picture in that ridiculous dress and cheap tiara. She remembered thinking that no one had ever just done something so nice for her before, for the sole purpose of making her happy.

Blair felt the full weight of what she had lost, and she leaned her head towards her knees and let the tears fall. It was eerily quiet all around her, as though the city was still in the process of waking up.

Blair let herself grieve for several moments, then steeled herself for what still laid ahead for her. Moving to stand up, she felt her phone buzz. With a feeling of dread, she looked at the message. When she saw the Gossip Girl blast, she rolled her eyes knowingly.

Chuck had finally sent in the video.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Author's notes: Sorry this one took awhile to crank out. I have a hard time writing Chuck/Chair, but it was a necessary evil. I think I'm looking at one more chapter, but it's also possible it will end up being two. I know what's left in the story, but sometimes scenes play out differently once I get going. Thanks for all the reviews, Favorite Stories, etc. I appreciate it immensely. **_

Blair watched the video on her phone as though she was in a trance. Apparently Gossip Girl felt the need to cut out before things got too graphic, but Blair had seen enough. It basically confirmed every horrible image she had pictured when Nate confessed to her all those years go, but this stung worse. In the back of her mind, she had always seen that one coming. For some reason, once she and Dan were together, she had never thought Dan would do this to her. She didn't know how the guy who always looked at her with pure adoration could have sex with Serena before even waiting out the night. He wasn't careless with her feelings like Nate or vindictive like Chuck.

Almost immediately, she saw that she had an e-mail from Dan. It was direct and to the point, and it almost made her cry all over again in its simplicity.

_Blair:_

_I'm sorry for what happened, and that you had to see that. At the time, part of me got caught in wanting to feel wanted, and the other part just wanted to hurt you. If it's any solace, it's only making me feel worse to know I intentionally hurt you (and how much I hurt Serena too). It turns out that hurting you doesn't seem to help dull my own anger and hurt. Maybe I need some advice on revenge, as it never seems to work for me. _

_-Dan_

Blair smiled through her emotion and wrote him a quick text message in response.

_Maybe you should try living well. I hear it's effective, but I wouldn't know from personal experience. _

Dan didn't respond to her text, but she didn't really expect him to. He had said what he wanted to say, but that didn't mean he wanted to forge out any sort of relationship with her again. Serena must have decided she had said all that needed to be said, because Blair didn't hear a word from her.

A million thoughts raced through Blair's head as to what she should do about Chuck. Part of her wanted to not let on how much she knew, and try to figure out some way to strike back at him. She figured there would have to be certain vulnerabilities within Bass Industries if she worked hard enough at it. She had really thought that Chuck was done with the games, and that she was finally strong enough to work through their problems and reap the rewards for their struggles. But now she knew that Chuck really meant it years ago when he said that they would always need the game, that it would never be Chuck and Blair going to the movies or holding hands. At the time, Blair thought their pull would be enough to make her not want those things. Now she knew better.

She wanted to make Chuck suffer for once again playing with her. Instead, she looked at Dan's words and realized that she would likely end up just going deeper into the game if she tried to fight back. She decided that maybe she should take her own advice.

But first things first, she needed to talk to Chuck and lay everything out on the table, once and for all.

She sighed as she picked up the phone. She hadn't attempted to contact Chuck for days, though clearly he was trying to send a message to her by releasing the video of Dan and Serena.

The phone rang twice before he picked up. "Are you calling to cry to me about Humphrey?" he said by way of greeting. "It's like deja vu all over again, isn't it?"

"Are you at the Empire? We need to talk about some things," Blair said, trying to cut to the chase and not allowing herself to take the bait.

"Blair, I told you already the company has to come first right now. That's still my answer," he told her, sounding put out by her call. "Someday we'll get there, but there's no need to discuss things right now."

Blair sighed, feeling aggravated. "I think we do need to discuss things. Tonight," she said firmly. "Sometimes going all in just means you've overplayed your hand."

Blair smiled to herself over that line, knowing she likely grabbed his attention.

"What's that supposed to mean? I know you're not going back to Humphrey after that video," he said snidely, but she could tell he was getting antsy.

"Just be at the Empire at 7 pm," Blair said, not wanting continue this by phone. Rather than let him speak again, she hung up. When he didn't call back, she assumed that meant he was acquiescing. Either that, or she was set to spend the evening with Nate at the Empire.

Blair still had the entire day to kill before meeting Chuck. She stood up from her perch on the Met steps and contemplated getting coffee and then spending the morning inside the museum after it opened, but she was instantly flooded with memories of going there with Dan and stopped herself cold. She decided she needed to figure out a different distraction, one that actually served to distract her from the mess that was her life.

She walked home, trying to figure out what would be an appropriate distraction. She quickly discarded the thought of watching a movie or going to any other museums. Books were also out of the question, as she had found recently that after reading she would instinctively pick up her phone, eager to find out if Dan had read the same book. Even if she thought about what she wanted to say to Chuck, she would picture Dan trying to make her happy by reuniting her with Chuck, despite his own feelings. Of course, then she would remember that he wasn't in her life anymore.

When she got home, she finally decided that shopping would be the best distraction. She took a quick shower and changed clothes, ready to face the day. She walked into Bendel's as though she were on a mission, which she supposed she was. She was on a mission to put her mistakes out of her mind, and just shop. Plus, it was part of her job now to be out and about seeing the latest trends in New York anyhow.

Even though it was still swelteringly hot outside, most of the clothing was for fall. Blair found herself gravitating towards a rack filled with tartan jackets and skirts. She picked up a jacket, taking in the pattern. As she stared at it, she was approached by a saleswoman from behind.

"Plaid is going to be very in this fall," the saleswoman said in a friendly voice. "Of course, it's a classic look regardless."

Blair put the blazer back on the rack quickly, knowing that somewhere out there Humphrey was smirking at the Bendel's woman indirectly complimenting his taste in fashion.

"Classic is just a word people use so they don't have to keep up on trends," Blair said, technically speaking to the saleswoman and not the Humphrey voice in her head. With that, Blair stalked out of the store, frustrated with herself and the world.

She went to a coffee shop and sat down, pulling out her phone.

After three rings, Dan picked up, sounding like she'd woken him up.

"Blair, is everything okay? It's like 8 am out here," Dan said groggily. "I'm not exactly keeping regular hours these days."

"If you kept me apprised of your whereabouts, I'd know where you were and be aware of what time it was," she said haughtily.

"Like that would have stopped you from calling me whenever you felt like it," he grumbled.

She couldn't help but smile at that. "Probably not," she admitted.

"What do you want?" Dan asked, clearly not in the mood for small talk.

"You're everywhere," she blurted out, instantly regretting the words.

"What?" he asked, understandably confused.

She sighed, deciding she might as well put it out there. "I was so busy in France with my mom that I could shut out so much. Now that I'm back in New York, I see how somehow you've permeated yourself into every facet of my life, and I don't know how to get away from it," she sad in a rush, the continued, "I miss you."

"Blair..." he started with his own sigh.

"I know I have no right. I'm still hurt about Serena, but I know if I had come like I told you I would..."

"Blair, don't," he said firmly. "It's not going to get us anywhere."

"I'm going to tell Chuck it's over for good tonight," Blair said, not sure why she was telling him this.

He chuckled, no mirth in the sound. "Good luck with that," he said dryly, but with less venom than she might have expected. She suspected he might pity her.

"I mean it this time; it's really over," she protested, knowing how hollow the words must sound to him.

"For your sake, I hope it's true. But I can't be your confidant anymore; you must know this," he told her.

"You don't think we can ever be friends?" she asked sadly, knowing the answer.

"I don't see how, Blair. I can't be the guy who consoles you about how you can't get over Chuck anymore, or advises you about how you should handle your next doomed relationship," he said, a bit of the bite coming back to his voice. He paused before speaking again, this time in a gentle tone that she had missed, "If you have any ideas how we can be in each other's lives without me getting steamrolled, let me know. Despite my better judgment, I miss you too."

Blair was touched by the admission, that after everything he still cared. Unfortunately, she had no ideas at the moment.

"I'm sorry," she said simply, not sure what else to say. "If it's any consolation, I'm finding that however all-consuming my feelings for Chuck might have been, I'm finding that your presence in my life is equally all-encompassing."

"I wish it were just about forgiveness, but it's not. It's a lot easier to forgive than to forget. I'm not sure we can ever trust each other again, and that should be the foundation of any relationship, friendship or otherwise," Dan said, sounding tired. "You told me your heart belonged to me, and not to Chuck. I let myself believe when maybe I shouldn't have, given all I knew about you and Chuck. But I didn't think you'd say those things to me if you didn't mean them."

She wanted to protest to him that she did mean those words at the time, but she wasn't even sure about her feelings herself anymore.

"I meant it when I said I missed you," she said, telling him the one thing she knew was true.

"Goodbye, Blair," he said, hanging up.

For some reason, this conversation made her feel marginally better. She still missed him, but she felt somehow less haunted by him. At the very least, he was still willing to answer the phone when she called. She picked up her coffee and headed back home, deciding she'd read through the piles of Waldorf Designs information her mother had given her to study. Focusing on her future made her feel stronger, ready to try and finally let go of her past that night.

While she was reading, she was struck with an idea. She quickly made a purchase online, smiling to herself. She hoped that maybe she had found the baby step she needed to nudge her way back into Dan's life. Feeling better than she had felt in months, she went to change clothes, hoping to find the right armor for the evening ahead. She really had no idea what to expect, but she felt strong and decisive. Chuck would not manipulate her into changing her mind.

Blair took a deep breath when the elevator doors opened, and she couldn't help but smile when Monkey came bounding towards her. She gently patted the dog on the head, again being reminded of Dan. She knew he was behind the purchase of the pet, and she had a feeling he had a hard time giving him up. She had walked through the park too many times with Dan being distracted by virtually any dog who walked by, grinning like a small child when he petted one. Apparently his building didn't allow pets, something Blair had teased him about, considering the other lack of standards the building appeared to have.

"Is Nate here?" Blair asked as Chuck approached.

"No, he's off somewhere with his mom," Chuck told her as he refilled his scotch. "What was so urgent?"

Chuck sat down on the couch, and Blair sat in the chair opposite him. Monkey followed Blair, looking up expectantly at her. She rubbed behind his ears affectionately and patted him on the head once, hoping to signal that she had to focus. The dog obediently walked to the other side of the room and laid down, apparently sensing the tension between them.

"I want you to be honest with me about something," Blair started. "Don't play any games, because I'm really not in the mood. That night I told you I loved you on the roof and wanted to be with you, was that whole scene with your father staged?"

Chuck almost choked on his drink, his calm veneer fading instantaneously. She saw something dark flash in his eyes, a mixture of anger and disgust, with some small amount of passion there as well.

"Did you hire someone to do some sleuthing?" he asked patronizingly.

"No. Your father, who otherwise seems to be quite the mastermind, picked a really inopportune time and place to make a phone call," she answered evenly, hoping to maintain her composure. She just wanted the truth right now, and if her emotions overwhelmed her she knew she likely would only get words spewed out in anger. "Please just tell me exactly what happened; I deserve to know to what extent I've been played."

"You're not being played," Chuck said defensively. "I just continued to play the game of cat and mouse we've been playing forever. Like you haven't been playing with me for the past two years."

"Not intentionally. Not like this," Blair shot back, instantly ashamed at the outburst. She paused, taking a breath and calming herself before she continued, "I never seem to know what the rules of the game are until it's too late. I just want to know what happened and why."

Chuck sighed, clearly contemplating how much to share. He smirked slightly, seemingly proud of how effectively he had played puppet master with her. Again.

"I explained to my father that you were dating Humphrey. Needless to say, he saw the parallels to his own situation. He told me we needed a grand gesture on both our parts to win what had been lost," he started, smiling again. "He told me it was clear you couldn't resist me in a time of need, so he decided to help me create one. I knew there was no way you'd leave for that trip with Humphrey if I had just lost everything, that you wouldn't put an end to us forever with me at my lowest point. And it worked; Humphrey lost the second my dad made the announcement at the press conference."

"It wasn't a competition," Blair protested. "Beating Dan had nothing to do with it. He wasn't playing any games."

"I told Dan before he couldn't beat me, or even compete. He thought back then he'd won, but I knew he would someday have to play the game if he wanted to win. That's just how it works with you," Chuck told her, shaking his head. "That's also why I turned you down on that roof; I was still mad that you chose Humphrey and you needed to earn my love back. Plus, we both know nothing good happens for us when the game stops."

"All I've ever wanted is for us to declare ourselves victors and stop the games," Blair said sadly. "Is that not what you want?"

"That's not us. I told you that years ago and nothing's changed," he said matter-of-factly. "I also told you going to the movies and holding hands would bore you, and that's clearly true. Otherwise, you'd be watching some esoteric flick with Humphrey right now, draping yourself all over his flannel chest."

"Dan never bored me," she said truthfully. She had her reasons for trying to make things work with Chuck, but none of those involved being bored with Dan. It was nearly impossible for her to be bored with Dan; her constant fluctuation between adoration and irritation with him always kept her on her toes.

"I guess it doesn't matter now that you know he betrayed you, and it's public to boot. The powerful new you couldn't possibly take back a second boyfriend who fucked Serena," Chuck sneered.

"Well, you certainly covered all your bases," she shot back, feeling vindicated by the look of surprise on his face. "Serena told me that she sent you the video. It was pretty predictable that you'd send it the second I spoke to Dan again."

"When you came to the Empire that night, I thought Serena had also sent you the video," he confessed. "That's why I couldn't just take you back so readily, or at least partly why."

"Why didn't you just say something?" she asked, exasperated. This seemed to be the story of their entire relationship-never speaking about anything important.

"I figured out pretty quickly that you had no idea about Dan and Serena. The few times you spoke about him, your eyes filled with guilt and not anger."

"Why say all those horrible things to me? It seems like you meant them, and it wasn't just the game," Blair sighed, feeling sad that things had come to this. "You could have turned me down without blaming me for everything that's gone wrong in your life."

"You are the reason behind everything that happens in my life, good or bad," Chuck said, his tone shifting to a more sincere one, the words being strangled out. "Same as I am the reason behind everything you do."

"Dan wasn't about you," Blair said, for some reason feeling the need to make it clear how much Dan really meant to her, on some level wanting him to know how much she gave up by giving Dan up for Chuck.

"No, that one was about Serena," Chuck said with a shrug.

"Stop saying that my actions are all about playing some game," Blair said tersely. "They're not."

He looked at her skeptically, then laughed bitterly. "I will say you surprised me when you didn't leave Humphrey when you found out about the dowry. Well played," he said appreciatively. "You made me keep working longer than I thought this time."

"What do you mean?" she asked, confused.

"You really think I told _Nate _and expected it to remain a secret? I've been burned by that one too many times. In fact, you were almost literally burned by that last year," he said, smirking again at his own play on words.

"So I take it you're working for Bass Industries now as we speak," Blair said, rolling her eyes at her own stupidity.

"I'm consulting, let's say," Chuck said. "My dad needs it to look like we're on the outs so Lily will continue to try and mediate. She thinks if she stays on my dad's good side she will be able to persuade him to let me back in. That's the main reason she's still married to him."

"You can't keep doing this to me, Chuck," Blair said, steeling herself for what she came to say. "This is the last time."

"You lost this one, but let's not pretend that you're really walking away for good over this," he said confidently. "Who will you run to? Humphrey showed he still prefers Serena."

"I'm not running," she said, sitting up straight. "I'm walking away, for good this time."

"Blair, do we need to play this part of the game again? It always ends the same, and it's getting boring," he said, shaking his head, clearly not believing her. "You will always love me. We always find our way back."

"Not this time," she said, happy with how firm her voice still was. "You knew I was slipping away from the moment I kissed Dan, and you worked overtime to lure me back in. You knew that there was a chance your pull might be waning."

He began to look truly panicked for the first time, her words setting in. She knew she had hit her target, as Chuck's actions towards her did not exude confidence in the strength of her feelings.

"You said you were all in, but of course yet again you're not betting on me," he said angrily.

"Like I said on the phone, you overplayed your hand. We both did," she told him, not unkindly. She didn't even feel angry anymore, just sad. "It just means we're both left with nothing."

"I meant it when I said I can't keep doing this, that I need to move on," he said warningly.

She stood up and looked at him, the moment bittersweet. It really felt over this time, even more than when she had told Dan he had her heart. Somewhere in the back of her head, she had thought that she and Dan would probably break up somewhere down the line and she would still end up with Chuck someday, once whatever spark she and Dan had dimmed. She hadn't quite expected the depth of her feelings for Dan, or the strength of her attraction to him. Of course, now she would be lucky if Dan would even be her friend again. Her love life was a complete blank slate for the first time that she could remember. It should have terrified her, but instead made her feel strong.

"Goodbye, Chuck," she said firmly. She leaned down and kissed him on the cheek, then turned and left. Chuck just started at her in silence. She hoped he understood the force behind her words.

When she got home she laid on her bed, exhausted. It was only nine o'clock, but she felt the tension leave her body now that she had finally said goodbye to Chuck. Some part of her never expected this day to come, especially not with the words coming from her. The other part expected it to be something angry and passionate, just like their relationship had always been. Instead, they had basically faded away with a whimper. She sensed that he too had grown tired of the game, even if he was the only one still playing.

She was startled by the sound of her phone ringing. She smiled when she saw Dan's name on the caller ID.

"I did it," she said by way of greeting. "It's really over." She suddenly felt giddy, wishing he were there, knowing he wouldn't be able to hide his smile.

"Congratulations," he said. She couldn't quite tell just how much sarcasm was contained in that one word. She was thinking around fifty percent, which she figured was more than she probably deserved.

"Thanks. It feels surprisingly good. I didn't know I could be so strong," she admitted.

"I did," he said quickly. She imagined him on the other end, upset at himself over this admission.

"I know. And thank you," she said sincerely, wanting to say so much more but not having the words.

"Well, and thank you," he said, a smile in his voice. "Apparently, a Blair Waldorf has sent me a copy of _The Landlord, _due to arrive tomorrow."

"And we will be watching it on Wednesday, at nine pm sharp, my time," she said crisply. "And you will receive a new DVD each week. I can't believe you never got to any of your Netflix queue."

"I got to some, I just couldn't bring myself to watch _The Landlord _for some reason. Maybe because part of me felt bad for not responding to your e-mails that summer," he admitted. "So is this your idea of how we can be friends again?"

"Do you not think it will work?" she asked, afraid of his answer.

He let out a frustrated sigh before answering. "I don't know, Blair. I guess if we set some ground rules, like we start out by only talking about the movies, not our lives," he said cautiously.

"That can work," she said, happy for even this olive branch. She had no one else to enjoy movies with, so she was happy to have at least one hole he left filled.

"Okay, then I will talk to you Wednesday," he said, then hung up.

"I'll talk to you later," Blair said to the empty room, feeling great relief that her words were true.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Author's notes: This is the penultimate chapter. I had thought of making this one really long finale chapter, but I thought where it ended was a nice, natural break. Thanks again to everyone who took the time to review. **_

For the next month, Blair sent Dan a new DVD to watch. True to her word, for the first three weeks they only discussed the movie, speaking in the most intellectual manner possible. It was as though they were in some sort of film class and were study partners, dismantling broader themes and ideas, never once bringing up any personal connection to any of the films. During the fourth week, Blair quickly realized that she had chosen the wrong movie.

Though barely an hour and a half long, Blair felt the viewing of _Like Crazy _went on far too long as she tried to imagine what Dan was thinking. At one point late in the movie, Blair blurted out what she was thinking, and instantly regretted it.

"I don't get why he doesn't just go to England," Blair said unthinkingly. "He doesn't seem nearly as dedicated to the relationship as she is."

"I guess that's how it usually works, isn't it? One person is more devoted in a lot of relationships," Dan said, and she couldn't tell over the phone just how pointed the remark was.

She decided not to speak again for the rest of the movie, unsure of his mood. Afterwards, he was the first to speak.

"What did you think?" he asked neutrally.

"It was so sad. Life and love just beat them down. They just were both so tired at the end...it's how I felt at the end with Chuck," she admitted, tentatively pushing the boundaries of their agreement. The movie struck home with her, how after all the pain and drama, finally having all obstacles removed can be more exhausting than joyful.

"Blair..." he said warningly.

"It's just hard to talk with you and filter myself," she admitted. He had always been alarmingly easy to talk to, even before she knew him very well.

"We don't have that kind of relationship anymore," he told her bluntly. "I'm not your friend, I'm your ex."

Blair felt like she'd been struck. For some reason, she had never really thought of Dan as her _ex_ before. He was both her ex-boyfriend and her ex-best friend, and she vacillated on a daily basis which she missed most. She supposed what she missed most were those moments when the two roles converged perfectly, like them spending a lazy Sunday alternating between making love and cuddling together to watch movies. Now he was just her _ex_, and they couldn't even watch movies by phone without it becoming uncomfortable.

"I guess I just forget sometimes," she finally said.

"I won't have time for these movie nights for awhile anyhow," he said, his words hitting her hard. Even if they didn't have their old rapport, she looked forward to hearing his voice and picturing him on the other end of the line.

"Oh," she said. "Movement with the book?"

"Yeah, the final edits are done and apparently it's getting rushed to print," he told her. "I'll be back in the city next week and I'll be doing a lot of work on publicity leading up to the publication date."

"It must be really well-received if they're expediting it like that," she said, suspecting there was something else going on.

"Something like that," he said cryptically, just like he was every time he spoke of his book.

"When is it coming out?" she asked, hoping for some sort of details.

"It's due to hit the shelves in three weeks," he said. "It's a pretty small printing-we're marketing it mainly as an e-book so we can release it pretty quickly."

"It's nice to have a little advance warning this time," she joked half-heartedly.

"Look, I've gotta go," he said suddenly. "I have a lot to do tomorrow."

"Okay," she said sadly. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight," he said, then hung up. She wished he had said, "Talk to you later," but she supposed that would have been too much to hope for.

That Sunday, Blair found out that Dan was back in town through a Gossip Girl blast. Though she wasn't surprised, it stung to find out he hadn't let her known he was back. She supposed that wasn't something you did for an ex. She spent the early part of the week keeping herself busy with work, as the endless amount of information she needed to learn seemed to grow exponentially by the day. At the rate things were going, her mother could probably retire in about a decade.

Her mother wanted her to come to Paris full-time, but Blair kept putting her off.

"Dear, it would be much easier if you were here at the headquarters. The New York office can only show you so much," her mother had told her.

"You and I both know you can't hand your company off to your daughter who didn't even graduate from college and also can't design," Blair said, feeling a bit frustrated by having this all sprung upon her so quickly. She still hadn't really processed the magnitude of this succession plan.

"There are schools here," her mother pointed out. "I thought you said you had no loose ends in New York."

Blair hated her mother for that knowing tone she was using. She had a feeling her mother had known all along that she had chosen the wrong man, and would someday regret her decision.

"I guess I was wrong," Blair sighed. "I did have more loose ends than I thought."

"You know, at some point you're going to have to at least spend a significant amount of time in Paris if you really want this," her mother said, pressing her a little.

"I know," Blair said tersely. "And I do want it. I do. I'm so honored that you are giving me this opportunity, and I would never let you down."

"Good," her mother said. "Let me know when you have taken care of the loose ends so we can start really planning. I'd like to retire while I still have some good years left."

Blair rolled her eyes, happy they were on the phone. "I will do my best," she said before hanging up.

She used to so desperately want her mother's attention, and never felt like her mother understood her. Now that she had both to some degree, it seemed to be both a blessing and a curse. She really didn't believe her mother was going to be truly ready to hand over the reins completely anytime soon anyhow, so Blair figured she could get her degree in New York while also doing practical work at the New York office. Her mother had run the company from New York for years, so Blair wasn't sure why she couldn't do the same if that's what she wanted. She supposed it came down to how things went with her final loose end.

While Dan had made it clear in their last phone conversation that he was trying to create distance between them, she also knew that one of the reasons he was hesitant to let her back in was that he didn't trust how deeply she cared about him. She didn't know how to show him how badly she missed him without trying to spend time with him. She knew she was sincere in wanting to make things right, and that she would give anything for a second chance with him. She decided she'd play his game and not push things too far, but she couldn't just sit back and ignore him either. The pull of the loft was just too enticing, knowing he was there, likely working hard.

On Wednesday, their regular movie night, she made her move. She took a deep breath, staring at the door to the loft. She held a DVD in one hand and a bag filled with pierogies in the other. Putting the DVD under her arm, she knocked on the door, feeling nervous. The last time she actually knocked was when she had shown up at the loft in lingerie and a trench coat, needing him to answer the door for her seduction plan to have its full effect. This time when he opened the door, he simply looked surprised to see her.

"Blair, what are you doing here?" he asked, sounding mildly irritated.

"I brought _Strangers on a Train, _as I know how much you love Hitchcock, even though he is such an _obvious _favorite director to have for somebody who considers himself a movie snob. Though I suppose my favorite classic movies are pretty mainstream classics as well. And I promise I will not discuss with you anyone who I want to kill. All discussion will be about the movie itself, and perhaps an intellectual discussion of morals," Blair said in a rush, a bit alarmed at how much she sounded like Dan in that moment. "I also brought pierogies. I would have brought something much nicer, but you don't seem to prefer nicer food and I wanted tonight to be about you."

The look he was giving her now was not dissimilar from the one he gave her when she showed up in the lingerie, minus the lust.

"Alessandra is here," he said, making no motion to let her in. "We're in the middle of a meeting, and it's important. I told you I was going to be busy."

"I just thought you might need a break," she said, trying not to let the extent of her disappointment show in her voice. She shoved the bag in his hand. "Go ahead and take the pierogies. I won't eat them."

She turned around and walked away, embarrassed. For some reason, she was surprised by the sound of the door closing behind her. She had expected some reaction to her gesture, but instead he was strangely distant, almost apathetic. Feeling deflated, she went outside and flagged a taxi.

For the next few weeks, she kept hoping he would contact her, but he never did. She busied herself with work and school, throwing herself into both her work and studies full throttle to avoid thinking about Dan. At one point, Blair saw a headline that Chuck was officially a vice-president at Bass Industries, with a plan in place for him to move up to run the company alongside his father. Blair could only shake her head, wondering if Lily had ever figured out the ruse. Given Lily's cold treatment of both Dan and Serena, Blair didn't feel particularly inclined to inform her that she was being duped by the Bass men.

Blair decided to respect Dan's wishes and she stayed away for the time being, wanting to give him every opportunity to make sure his book was a success. She scoured magazines and literary blogs in hopes of finding out information about his mysterious new book, but it seemed the content was top secret. It was actually creating a lot of buzz, as word had leaked out that his original plan for the alternate history novel had been scrapped, and that this novel looked to be even even more scathing than _Inside._ The title remained _Monarchs of Manhattan,_ but it was unclear as to whom the title was referring to.

A month after Blair's disastrous trip to the loft and two weeks before Dan's novel was set to hit the shelves, Gossip Girl provided Blair with the information she needed to forge a new plan to try and make things right with Dan.

_Lonely Boy's book launch party is tonight. Word on the street is that the content of this book may make him go from Lonely Boy to Loneliest Boy. _

Blair went to her closet, hunting out her simplest black cocktail dress and putting it on. She worked on getting her hair and makeup just right before donning a pair of black pumps to complete her cocktail party appropriate look. Grabbing a small black clutch, Blair marched out of the penthouse with a purpose.

When the door to the loft opened, Blair was surprised to see Nate on the other side, dressed in a charcoal gray suit.

"What are you doing here?" Blair asked tersely, feeling that her plan was already being thwarted.

"I'm going to Dan's book party with him," Nate said, looking confused. "Why are _you _here? Dan didn't tell me you were coming too."

"That's because I didn't invite her," Dan said, emerging from his bedroom, looking striking in a black suit that fit him perfectly, his tie hanging around his neck untied.

"I came to let you know you have my support this time around, no matter what horrible things you wrote," Blair said, feeling a bit frazzled by Nate's surprising presence at the loft. "I hear this book is completely scathing, lacking the underlying sympathy for the characters that was present in _Inside._"

"So you've been keeping up on the buzz for the book?" Dan asked, tilting his head slightly and raising an eyebrow.

"Here and there," she said haughtily, "when I can find the time. Which isn't very often."

"I'm sure," Dan said dryly.

"But I took time out of of my busy schedule to be here tonight for my friend who is publishing his second novel, which is quite the accomplishment. I wanted to be there to show the world I support you, even if the book is largely about my mistakes and flaws," Blair said, feeling noble.

"The book isn't about you," Dan said matter-of-factly.

"It's about me," Nate chimed in. "Dan felt bad about making me only a half a character in his last book, but this time the book is told entirely from the point of view of Dale Archer, a former golden boy and legacy of a powerful political family who went to college in California, only to return to New York to run a newspaper and try to bring down high society one secret at a time."

"Did you memorize the book jacket or something?" Blair asked curtly, not liking this turn of events.

"Clair Carlyle does make a cameo," Dan said, a wry smile forming on his face. "She was convinced that Charlie Trout's death was a punishment from God, so she decided to join a convent to try and make it up to Him."

"Of course," Blair sighed. "I guess since you already have a _date, _I'll just go home."

Dan considered her for a moment, then said, "I don't know if Waldorfs are suitable escorts for literary events. Your track record isn't very good."

"I suppose it's not," she admitted. She swallowed and looked down at the ground, ashamed of how she had repeatedly stripped him of his ability to enjoy the fruits of his success. "Maybe I can be there as an attendee, quietly supporting my friend?"

"I guess there should be plenty of food, and Alessandra is alarmed that my number of personal guests somehow decreased since the last book party..." Dan said, a bit of a teasing lilt in his voice. "Nate, will you keep an eye on her? Shut her down if she starts to make a scene?"

Nate looked between them, clearly not tracking the conversation. "Uh, sure," he said confusedly.

"I guess I'll see you there," Blair said, turning to leave.

"You can ride with us," Rufus said, stepping out of his room. He shot Blair a cold look she would never have thought any Humphrey was capable of making. "It's been awhile; we can all catch up in the car."

"Okay, Dad," Dan said uncertainly.

"Tie your tie, Son," Rufus said. "Then let's go."

Blair watched Dan expertly tie his tie, and she wished they were alone so she could have done it for him. Of course, there was no telling whether or not he would have let her get so close to him anymore.

The publishing company had arranged for a limo, and they all half-heartedly sipped champagne in silence after toasting to Dan's book. Blair couldn't help but feel that she was once again managing to take away from a big moment for Dan, and she wondered if she would ever be able to make things right. She really had intended to try and do this for Dan, even if she had overestimated how grand the gesture really was. Now all she wanted was to get out of the car and away from the watchful eyes of Rufus Humphrey.

Once they finally arrived and exited the car, Rufus hung back. "You and Nate go on in. I wanted to speak with Blair for a moment," Rufus said to Dan as his son stared at him questioningly.

"Is everything okay?" Dan asked, looking between them.

"It's fine, Dan," Blair said, plastering a smile on her face. "Enjoy your big day."

"Thanks," Dan said, a genuine smile flitting across his features briefly before he patted Nate on the back. "Let's get inside. Alessandra is probably looking for me."

Once they were gone, Blair turned to Rufus. "Mr. Humphrey, I know I'm not exactly your favorite person right now, but can't we just put a smile on our face and support Dan?"

"Blair, you and I both know I am not the one who would detract from Dan's moment," he said patronizingly. "I know that you think you're here for Dan, but you're really here for yourself."

"I'm just here to try and make things right from before, to show Dan I care," she protested.

"You thought he spent all summer writing a scathing book about you, and you thought you would get to make a grand gesture and show the world that you could rise above it and walk with him arm-in-arm into the party, all eyes on you," he told her, his words not far from the image that had been in her head. "Basically, you wanted to make tonight about you and how forgiving you could be."

"The book isn't even about me and I'm still here," Blair said, though admittedly she had tried to leave when she found out her plan had been thwarted.

"Just be careful with him, Blair," Rufus said, not altogether unkindly. "He loved you in a way he's never loved before, and you didn't accept that love. Once you make those sorts of decisions, you can't ever completely take them back, even if you want to."

"No one's ever given me so much of themselves so freely," Blair said, tears filling her eyes. "I didn't know what to do with that. It was too easy."

"And Dan will be hesitant to ever put himself on the line like that again, with you or anyone else," he told her, the pain he felt over Dan's loss of romanticism evident on his face, along with a wistful look that she assumed had to do with Lily. "Once you give yourself to someone completely, it's hard to ever do it again."

"I know," Blair said, wiping away a stray tear. If there was anything she knew, it was this.

"I'm not saying this to be cruel, Blair," he continued, his underlying kindness and gentleness making it even harder. Dan was so much like his father. "But you have to realize your actions have consequences."

"I know," Blair said softly, avoiding his eyes. "Maybe I should just go home. This was a bad idea."

"Maybe it was, but how do you think Dan will feel when I go back in there alone?" he asked pointedly.

Blair felt a tightness in her chest, Rufus's words hitting home. If she went home now, what Rufus had said earlier would be true. She would be leaving because she didn't get what she wanted, and it would prove that she was really there for herself and not for Dan. She had told Dan she was there to support him, and her leaving would again give him the message that she didn't care.

"I suppose I could use a few hours of speaking with literary types," Blair said, composing herself. "I do love the fashion industry, but sometimes it's not the most intellectual world."

"Then let's go in," Rufus said, motioning towards the entrance. She walked in step with him, and he opened the door for her. He leaned down and spoke in her ear as she entered, "It would probably also help if you actually read the book this time."

"Duly noted," she said, internally bristling at how she had openly blown off reading his first book. She walked into the party, Rufus by her side. She couldn't help but smile at the irony that she ended up being escorted by a Humphrey after all.


	6. Chapter 6

_**Author's notes: Real life really got in the way on this last chapter, and then I had a hard time getting it quite how I wanted it. Hopefully it was worth the wait. **_

One week after the book party, Blair realized that Dan was sticking to his guns and was not going to make a move towards reconciling with her. She had really thought that going to the book party would somehow be a grand enough gesture to show how much she cared, righting her wrongs from a year ago where she put her own problems above her friendship with Dan. Thinking back on it, she couldn't believe he just let her back in so easily when she needed him after she had failed to read his book and then ignored him. She supposed even Dan Humphrey had his limits; in the past he would at least vocalize those limits and make it clear where the lines were. Now he just cut her out, and she wasn't sure how to proceed.

Deciding she needed to be proactive, she went to the _Monarchs of Manhattan _Facebook page, and saw that Dan was giving a series of book readings throughout the city over the course of the next two weeks. She smiled to herself, remembering his advice to her years ago when Chuck was ignoring her advances. She was going to make herself unavoidable.

Over the course of the next week, Blair diligently attended every one of Dan's readings, sometimes attending more than one per day. She simply sat in the book quietly, smiling softly at him when he caught her eye. She never spoke to him, just wanting her presence to be felt. While she realized she was becoming borderline pathetic, she had to admit that she liked going to these readings, if only to see him and hear his voice. She was amazed at how confidently he stood at the podium and read, his voice strong and his posture easy and relaxed. He would answer questions with ease, sometimes flashing the genuine smile that she wasn't sure she would ever see again. Success suited him well. She marveled that he was that same boy who Serena dated in high school.

After attending her eighth reading, Blair felt a tap on the back and turned around and saw Alessandra standing there. Blair felt slightly chastened under her gaze, not quite knowing just how much the older woman knew.

"Dan told me to give you this," is all she said, handing her a flyer for future _Monarchs of Manhattan_ readings. She flipped over the flyer and saw a note in Dan's unique scrawl.

_Meet me at the diner across the street in an hour. _

He didn't sign it, though considering it was his flyer sent through a personal messenger, she supposed he didn't need to. Blair immediately went to the diner, trying to distract herself with her phone. Gossip Girl was strangely silent, having already made multiple snide comments about her being spotted at book readings. She supposed there were only so many puns to be made at her expense.

She situated herself so she was facing the entrance, wanting to know the moment he arrived. Even though he was the one who had suggested the meeting, she was still anxious as though she might be stood up. She knew him better than that, but she was still relieved when he arrived as promised.

"So, you're my stalker," he said wryly as he sat down. "Alessandra was beginning to get concerned about my safety with that strange brunette who kept sitting in the back, never buying a book. I just told Alessandra she was probably a student who couldn't afford the $19.95."

Blair rolled her eyes in response. "Alessandra knows who I am, as does pretty much everyone in the city," she said huffily, hoping they might be able to capture a bit of their old rapport.

"True," Dan conceded, then tilted his head quizzically. "So, why exactly is a CEO-in-training attending all of my book readings? You weren't nearly so interested in my writing even when we were dating."

Blair was happy that his last comment was said in a light tone, more curious than accusatory. In fact, he seemed much easier with her in general than he had been since returned from Italy. She hoped maybe she was finally breaking him down, that her attempt at quiet omnipresence was working.

"I missed you," she said honestly, trying the direct route for a change. She looked down at the table, a bit embarrassed before continuing, "And this way I could hear your voice. I always loved your voice."

She hesitantly looked up to meet his eyes, and he was smiling softly, looking amused. He raised an eyebrow and huffed out a chuckle.

"_Always?"_ he asked.

"Well, maybe not always," she conceded. "But I have a hard time remembering when I didn't like hearing you speak."

His smile fell, and he suddenly looked more serious. Neither of them spoke for several moments. They just sipped at their coffees, contemplating one another.

"Blair, what do you want from me?" he finally asked, breaking the silence.

"I want you in my life, in any way you'll have me," she told him earnestly, reaching across the table to grab his hand.

He didn't respond immediately, nor did he move his hand. What she really wanted to tell him was that she wanted to go back and erase the past, to not be such a fool. She wanted to know what she and Dan would look like right now if she had gone down the other path, the one that didn't break his heart and make him look at her like he was looking at her in this moment, like he couldn't quite trust anything she said.

"I used to wonder what it would be like to have your determination focused on me," he said wistfully, then let out a humorless laugh. "I guess all I needed to do was make myself less available to you."

"Dan," she started, his words cutting her. She hated that he was right. Before she could say anything, Dan raised a hand to get her to stop speaking.

"I'm sorry, I let this get off track," he said, looking apologetic. She wasn't sure what track he thought the conversation should be on, so she just waited for him to continue.

"I'm moving to England in two weeks," he said quickly, and continued speaking even more rapidly. "I am going to study at Cambridge for two years, hopefully being able to finish undergrad and get my masters, if I study through the summers. Or it might be three years. We'll see. It really looks like a great change for me, getting to study and be around all these brilliant literary minds in a sleepier atmosphere. And London is close in case I miss the feel of city life…."

Blair just stared at him, caught up in his rambling, which was both nervous and excited at the same time.

"So, you got a big head and decided that an Ivy wasn't good enough for a best-selling, award-winning novelist like yourself?" she asked, smiling at him affectionately.

"Something like that," he said, shrugging. She knew he probably decided he just needed to get away, just like Serena.

"You seem happier than I've seen you….in awhile," she commented.

"Yeah, I guess I am," he said, smiling sheepishly. "I know it's cliché, but I think this will be good for me. For awhile I resented this place, like I had gotten sucked into the UES and couldn't escape. But this summer I talked to Jenny a lot, and saw a her a few times, and as I told you, I talked to Vanessa….And they both just seemed so much happier and at peace once they took a step back, once they got away. And then one day I realized that nothing was holding me here, other than inertia and a fear of the unknown. And, it was just cool this summer getting to finally travel, to see new things and meet new people. I just want more of that…."

"You've definitely thought this through," she said, laughing and shaking her head.

"You said you missed the sound of my voice," he teased. "I was just trying to oblige you."

"I should learn to be careful what I wish for," she said, rolling her eyes, unable to stop herself from smiling back at him. She paused for a moment, and looked down at their hands, which were surprisingly still joined. "I'm happy that you're happy, even if it's an ocean away."

"I'm glad," he said, gently pulling his hand away and using it to tilt her chin up so she was looking in his eyes, then pulled his hand back. "That's all I want for you too, honestly, even after everything."

"But what if you're what I need to be happy?" she asked, the full meaning of his move hitting her all at once.

"I hope that's not the case," he said simply, a mix of kindness and sadness in his voice.

"I don't know if I can let you go….I know I can't lose you," she said, an air of desperation creeping into her voice.

He sighed and reached for his wallet. He put a twenty-dollar bill on the table, which would be an extremely generous tip for their two cups of coffee. She figured he didn't want to wait around for change.

"Blair, you already let me go," he told her bluntly, a bit of exasperation evident. "As far as losing me….I don't really have a response right now that wouldn't be cruel, and like I told you before, hurting you doesn't seem to bring me any sort of happiness."

He then slid out of the booth and stood up. "Goodbye, Blair," he said, then turned to walk away, just as he had at the airport. This time she let him leave, not believing this might really be the end.

Immediately after he left, she realized that while she had told him what she wanted from him, she still hadn't told him how she felt about him. She had hoped some of her gestures would show him, but none of them had quite hit the mark. She quickly came up with a plan, hoping one final gesture might show him that she really did care about him, that she genuinely meant it when she said she wanted him to be happy. She smiled to herself as she called Dorota, knowing Dorota would happily assist her with anything for Dan.

Almost two weeks later, on Dan's last night in town, Blair was standing outside the door to the loft, an empty trash bag in hand. She took a deep breath and knocked, not sure what reception she was going to get. She hoped she would at least make it inside this time.

"I had a feeling it might be you," he said when he opened the door. He smiled and motioned for her to come in. He seemed relaxed and loose, but not drunk, even though she knew he had likely had a drink or two.

"I thought you might need some help cleaning up," she said, holding up the trash bag.

"I imagine you know that Dorota made sure that wasn't an issue," he said, shaking his head and chuckling slightly. "Thank you for the party, even if you couldn't make it."

"I wasn't busy; I just wanted to show you I could do something nice for you that wasn't about me," she said. "Did you have fun?"

He smiled, his full, easy smile that she had missed. "Yeah, I did," he said, walking further into the loft and heading into the kitchen where he picked up a liquor bottle and two glasses. She sat on a stool and watched him pour from the bottle of Japanese whiskey she had sent over for the party, hoping its significance wasn't lost on him. He handed her a glass and took one for himself. "To new beginnings," he said, leaning his cup in for a toast. She acquiesced to the toast, not sure precisely what he meant.

"I'm glad you had fun," she said, feeling awkward. She took a sip of the whiskey, hoping it would relax her and help her find the right words.

"I can't believe you got Serena to come from L.A. to say goodbye," he said, looking at her in awe. "Not to mention my mom."

"You almost never talk about it, but I know that it still hurts you that she's not around very much," she said. "And as for Serena…I know you couldn't say goodbye to New York without seeing her again."

"Did you talk to her?"

"No," Blair said, shaking her head. "We're going to have brunch tomorrow."

"I'm glad," he said. "Thank you again for tonight. I had honestly thought I would just leave quietly with nothing more than a Gossip Girl blast spotting me at La Guardia. "

Blair smiled, pleased that he seemed genuinely touched by her gesture. She had worked with Dorota to surprise him at the loft, giving him a true send-off. The guest list was fairly small, roughly 15 people or so, but still big enough for Dan to realize that his absence would in fact be noticed. She had even invited some of those hipsters from NYU that he sometimes grabbed coffee with, all of whom seemed to worship the ground he walked on from day one, and it only intensified when he got published for his anti-UES manifestos.

"You're welcome. You really will be missed," she said, knowing she had officially changed the tone of the conversation already.

"Since we both know that the trash bag was just a flimsy excuse to come over, why are you really here?" He seemed both skeptical and curious, as she imagined he both wanted to know and didn't want to know her answer.

"To say goodbye," she said. "To give you your gift."

"My gift?" he asked, leaning towards her slightly. "I don't see any fancy wrapped packages. Or was Dorota too busy with the party to wrap?"

"The correct response would have been shock that the party wasn't your gift," she chided him.

"I had assumed that until you started to bring up other invisible gifts," he pointed out, smiling again.

"Fine, there is no physical gift," she admitted.

"I suppose that rules out goodbye sex , which was my next guess," he said with mock sadness. She gave him a light slap in the chest, surprised and admittedly a little turned on by his comment.

"I actually almost brought over my diary from the time we were together, to show you my own words, with nothing redacted, about our relationship and how I felt about you," she told him seriously, and his grin fell and he looked at her with equal seriousness.

"Why didn't you? You decided to spare me the pain this time?"

She shook her head. "I don't think it would have caused you pain, because almost everything from the moment we had sex in the elevator was about how good everything was when we were together. I did start to worry about where we were going, and when you were going to take things to another level, because I knew you had given everything to me and I was still holding back. And before you point out the obvious, it was of course about Chuck and my inability to let go of him completely," she told him, hoping she would be able to clear some things up, but knowing she still wasn't explaining herself well. She wasn't sure she even could.

"I couldn't use the diary the way I wanted to tonight because I never was able to articulate exactly what I felt for you," she continued, and she saw him nod as though he understood. "That night that I ended up going to the Empire instead of meeting you, I told my mom that I was having trouble deciding which love was right, the kind we had and what I had with Chuck. I honestly intended to go see you that night; I had changed clothes to prepare for the party. I was going to go tell Chuck that even if I still loved him, I cared deeply for you and I needed to see where it would take me."

"Then what happened?" Dan asked softly, his eyes looking sad for the first time that night.

"I thought it would actually be perfect timing, going to tell Chuck after the press conference," Blair said, laughing sarcastically. "He was going to get everything he ever wanted, the business and approval from his dad. He wouldn't need me anymore, and he could really move on. Then…"

"It didn't work out that way," Dan said, realization spreading across his face.

"He lost everything instead, and I knew I couldn't issue the death blow. I knew I still loved him, and no matter how I felt about you, I couldn't leave him when he needed me," she said, hoping Dan would listen long enough so she could tell him what she really wanted to say, but she knew she needed him to finally know everything. "Of course, he rejected me and told me my love wasn't enough," she said, laughing bitterly.

"Of course," Dan said sarcastically, his jaw tensing. She could see the wheels turning in his head. "When you tried to contact me before Rome, what did you want to tell me?"

"Pretty much what I just told you, that I had been torn but I thought Chuck needed me more. I wanted to let you know that I cared deeply for you in a way I still couldn't express, that I considered our relationship one of the significant relationships of my life, but that I needed to finally stick with a choice and go all in with Chuck," she said.

"Blair, why are you telling me all this now? Do you think it helps anything?"

She realized she hadn't even told Dan the punchline; which was that it was all a game to Chuck and she'd lost. Again. Somehow she knew that it wouldn't make her decision look any different in Dan's eyes, even if Blair still internally blamed Chuck for destroying her relationship with Dan. Either way, she was tired of talking about Chuck and was ready to do what she came there to do.

"I'm telling you this because while you may have already fallen for me, I was in the process of falling for you when it all went to hell," she told him, and he still looked unsure. "And seeing you again, and being back in New York without you in my life….I see now that I was in deeper than I ever realized. It's just that nothing with you was sudden; it built up bit by bit and I didn't see how much it had grown until it was too late. And now it's still growing…."

"Blair…." Dan started, looking almost sympathetic, as though they were back in their old friendship dynamic, discussing Chuck or Louis and not him.

"I love you," she finally blurted.

"Blair, telling me you love me won't get me to stay," he said, a look of sad determination crossing his face. "I can't stay here; I can't go backwards."

"That wasn't what I was doing, I swear," she said, though she had to admit the thought of him kissing her and telling her he would never leave was appealing. "I just thought you deserved to finally know how I feel about you."

"And you really expected nothing in return?" he asked skeptically. "You really just wanted me to know?"

"Of course I was hoping you would say you loved me and we'd find a way to make this work. I want you, I've told you that before," she said defensively. "But no, I wasn't trying to manipulate you."

He hesitated, clearly not completely trusting her still. He finally seemed to decide to take her words at face value, and he leaned forward and kissed her softly. Her eyes fluttered shut and she lightly stroked his jaw line, savoring the feeling of his lips on hers, and just being physically close to him again.

"Thank you," he said. "I didn't realize how much I needed to hear that before I could move on with some peace, to learn I hadn't just been played for a fool."

She could tell he still loved her; it was obvious in his eyes and every movement of his body. She couldn't believe that he was leaving anyhow. She only had one move left.

She leaned forward again, and kissed him with more force. He held back at first, but he lost his resolve the second she ran her hands through his hair. They kissed like that for several minutes, even if it was slightly awkward sitting in the stools. If nothing else, their position kept things from getting out of hand too quickly.

Finally he pulled back, panting and trying to gather himself. "Blair, please," he pleaded. "I can't…."

"Just let me have you tonight," she said, cutting him off before he told her what he couldn't do, and got down from the stool and took a step towards him. She looked up at him, suggestively rubbing her hands up and down his thighs for a moment before reaching her hand out for him. "Let's go into your bedroom and spend your last night rewriting our ending."

She could tell her words had impacted him, as she saw a wave of emotion run across his face. He hesitated, but she could see his eyes darken as he waged his own internal war between his heart and his head. Fortunately for her, she knew him and knew how they were alike. Perhaps in the long run he would follow his head, unlike her. However, when approached with a romantic idea for one night, he was going to follow his heart in the moment. Without that romantic impetuousness, he never would have acted on his feelings for her in the first place.

"Fuck it," he finally said, stepping off from the stool and gathering her in a fierce kiss all in one swift movement.

She smiled into his kiss, and swiftly started working on the buttons of his shirt. "Bedroom," she ordered in between kisses, her voice breathy to her own ears.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, and he complied with her request by lifting her up as she wrapped her legs around him, kissing him as he carried her to his bed. He laid her on the bed and quickly followed her, propping himself up above her with his arms.

"I missed you too," he said before kissing her again, with a passion and desperation that she had never felt from him before. She tried not think of what it meant, which wasn't hard to do when his mouth started to trail down her neck and his hands began to creep up her legs.

Afterwards, they laid side by side in his bed, both out of breath.

After taking a few moments to compose herself, she propped herself up on her elbow and turned to Dan.

"My mom has been trying to get me to move to Paris for training," she said.

"Okay," Dan said, chuckling a bit at her quick change of topic.

She moved closer to him and began to trace patterns on his chest. "You know, it's easy to travel between Paris and London," she said suggestively.

"Blair, please don't make tonight about anything more than finding some peace and maybe some closure," he practically begged. "I want this to be a good memory; I want our relationship to be a good memory. That's what I thought tonight was about."

"You want us to just be a memory?" she asked him, surprised at how easily he seemed to be able to let her go.

"I spent the past six months or so trying to get over you, to get past the pain and anger and bitterness that was eating me alive at one point," he told her earnestly. "And I was getting close, but at some point I realized it wasn't just you. It was this whole place, my whole life. I just need a fresh start, even if it hurts you. I need to do this for me. I can't have a fresh start while also trying to have a long distance relationship with you."

"So, this is it? Forever?" she asked, afraid for the answer.

"Who knows?" he said, shrugging. "It has to be the end of this chapter at least, or perhaps this book, if we're going to stretch this literary metaphor."

"But there could be a sequel," she said, smiling slightly as she carried out the metaphor one step further.

"Maybe someday, a long time down the road," he said. "I know this next year has to be completely focused on school and writing. I have an advance in place for my next book, and given the topic, I can't really have my focus away from what I'm doing in England."

"What exactly are you writing about? Aren't you the literary voice of the millennial UES?"

Dan chuckled, then looked slightly sheepish. "I'm actually writing a memoir about my first year away from the UES. Apparently people love their fish out of water stories, and I've been told by Alessandra that the publisher thinks "reality fiction" by well-known writers is going to be really big," he said, avoiding her eyes.

"So you're a literary Kardashian?" she asked, smiling. "Is it any different than your other books, other than not even attempting to come up with fake names?"

"This is definitely supposed to be told in my voice, letting the world see the real Dan Humphrey," he said, saying the last three words with a hint of irony.

"You don't seem happy about this. Why are you doing it? Surely you could write something more literary while you're studying at Cambridge," she said, confused by his motives. Dan wasn't motivated by money or fame, and this seemed like a strange move for him.

"The money was just too good," he admitted. "If I finish within a year, I get an ungodly sum of money, enough to fully fund a small fashion label for Jenny when she graduates. So you see, I need to make this year about me."

Blair suddenly started to laugh, not quite believing what she had heard.

"What?" he asked, understandably confused by her change in mood.

"You are _terrible _at being selfish," she said, continuing to laugh. "You give me this big speech about needing this year for you, but really it's so you can make your sister's dreams come true."

"It's also about needing the time away," he protested. "And this is not completely unselfish. This money is an investment, not a gift. When my literary career flames out and I'm eking out a living as a literature professor somewhere, I'm going to want the supplementary income."

"Dan Humphrey, partial owner of a fashion house," she said affectionately.

"We might be competitors some day," he said, smiling wistfully. She smiled back at him, fondly remembering their brief time at W.

"So, what now?" she asked, though she already knew the answer.

"You're not going to make me say it, are you?" he asked.

"No," she said, shaking her head. He didn't need to say it; he'd been saying it ever since he stepped off the plane from Italy. He wanted to distance from their relationship, and she just kept pushing him. He slowly relented because he still loved her, but he clearly had always meant what he said.

"I'm not saying getting away is the best answer for everyone, but Paris might not be a bad idea for you," Dan suggested, breaking the silence.

"Yeah, there's not much left for me here," she said sadly. "And it might be good to have this time with my mother, maybe build our personal relationship as we start our professional one."

"That sounds like a good idea," he agreed, seeming suddenly more distant.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"It's just weird…Tomorrow I'll be in England," he said, looking a little shell shocked. "You spend so much time preparing, but the reality doesn't really hit you right away."

"Don't worry too much," she said, knowing him all too well. "They'll all love you, and you'll be a standout at Cambridge."

"Thanks," he said, smiling softly.

She contemplated him for a moment, not quite believing this was the end, much like he couldn't believe he was leaving.

"Can I stay here with you all night?" she asked, feeling strangely shy.

"Yeah," he said. "But let's just leave the goodbye here, and let me go to the airport alone."

"Okay," she said, agreeing that at some point, there was no use prolonging the inevitable.

"Did you want to watch a movie?" he asked.

"No," she said, shaking her head. "Can we just talk for awhile?"

"Yeah, I'd like that," he said. "Do you want something to sleep in? I know you prefer not to sleep naked."

He was right, she usually got cold in the night and preferred to wear something. Plus, people seemed to love to barge into their respective rooms, so wearing at least some clothing was generally a good idea. However, tonight she just wanted to be as close to him as she could, and spending the night skin on skin, wrapped up in one another, sounded appealing.

"I'd rather be naked than wear one of your flannels or cotton shirts," was what she said out loud.

"Hey, there was that one time with you wearing only my flannel on the kitchen counter…"

"Okay, point taken on the flannel," she conceded. "But I'm fine."

"Okay," he said, hunkering down into his pillow and turning towards her. "So what did you want to talk about?"

"What do you think your thesis is going to be about?" she asked, curious about his future studies.

"I was thinking of sticking to my roots, and doing some sort of comparison of Wharton's novels and more modern society-based novels," he said. "But maybe that's too obvious."

"Of course that's too obvious," she scoffed. "You could do much better…."

They talked like that for hours, before they both slowly drifted off. She woke up when his alarm sounded, finding herself draped across his chest.

"I do not miss your alarm," she groaned.

"It beats having Dorota wake us," he pointed out.

"I guess," she said, glaring at the clock before Dan turned it off.

"When does your flight leave?" she asked.

"I have to leave in a couple of hours," he said.

He stood up and put on his boxers, then walked around the room and slowly gathered her clothes and handed them to her.

"Well…."he said awkwardly.

She hadn't felt so uncomfortable with him since their first time. She knew she should just leave and let him prepare for his flight, but she couldn't quite bring herself to get dressed and go.

"Thank you for last night," she finally said.

"Uh, you're welcome?" he laughed.

"I mean it," she said. "I'm grateful that if we're really ending, that we got to end it like this."

He smiled and leaned down and kissed her forehead. "Me too," he said. "I'm going to make coffee."

He left her alone, presumably to give her privacy to get dressed, a sure sign that in his mind they really were done.

When she entered the kitchen, he was standing by the pot with two mugs. "Just pour yourself one," she said. "I should go."

He turned around, then ran a hand through her hair as he slowly bent down and kissed her. They kissed for several moments, then broke apart and rested their foreheads together.

"Goodbye, Dan," she said, tears threatening to spill over. "When you write about this moment, please try to give us catchier dialogue as we say goodbye."

"This moment won't go in my book. This whole night is just for us, not the rest of the world," he said, kissing her softly one last time. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close. She buried her head into his bare chest, hoping she would never forget this feeling.

Finally she pulled back, looking up at his face, the stubble belying the boyishness of his bedhead and groggy eyes.

"Goodbye, Blair," he said, a mixture of sadness and fondness on his face.

Rather than drag out the moment, she grabbed her purse and left as fast as she could, leaning against the brick wall in the hallway to gather herself. A part of her hoped the door would open and he'd ask to her stay. She waited five minutes, and he never came. Resigned, she left the building and flagged down a cab.

On the ride home, she wondered if she would need to take this drive ever again. It was strange to imagine that she wouldn't be back at the loft, a refuge for her so often these past two years. She heard her phone chirp, and saw a text from Serena asking her about brunch. Blair had almost forgotten, and briefly considered declining. Instead, she decided she could probably use the distraction and told Serena she'd meet her in an hour.

Staring out the window, Blair thought about Serena and how much she'd grown, and about Dan and his excitement about starting a new life. Feeling that the world was somehow passing her by, she decisively picked up her phone and called her mother.

"Blair, darling, I have a meeting in five minutes. Can I call you back?" her mother asked hurriedly.

"I want to move to Paris. I'm ready," Blair said decisively.

"Is everything okay?" her mother asked, likely wondering about her quick change of heart.

"They will be," she said. "I'm ready to move forward and commit myself to learning about the company, and I miss having family around."

"We'd love to have you," her mom said warmly. "We miss you too."

"I should be ready there in two weeks," Blair said.

"I'll make arrangements," her mother said in a more neutral tone, switching to her more professional voice already. "I really need to run now."

"Goodbye, Mother," Blair said, hanging up the phone and smiling. It was time for her own fresh start.


End file.
